


Seeing Eye To Eye

by LunarShipper



Category: The Order of the Stick
Genre: An actual series?, Belvaar, Gender-Neutral Character, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Other, With a plot and everything?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-05-24 11:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6151459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarShipper/pseuds/LunarShipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Belkar manipulates Vaarsuvius into an experiment involving their continued companionship. [BELVAAR]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Experiment Parameters

**Author's Note:**

> So I have this headcanon that Vaarsuvius and Belkar act specially when flustered. Vaarsuvius goes white as a ghost, their eyes widen, their ears fall, their nose scrunches up, and their lips purse together in a hard line. Belkar, on the other hand, turns incredibly red (like CRIMSON red), scrunches his face up a little, and narrows his eyes -albeit with dilated pupils.
> 
> Weird headcanon is weird.

"Really? 'Dimwitted halfling, please kick'?" Belkar stormed towards V, waving his arms about angrily.

"All I did was cast a Silent Image spell on your back; an illusion which is absolutely painless."

"It said 'please kick' on it, asshole."

"A mere suggestion, I am not to fault if these words were heeded, as I myself did not enact them."

"Listen, smartass, unless you want to wake up with more blisters than Cthulhu's ass, you better cut the shit."

Vaarsuvius rolled their eyes and turned to look at him. A faint smirk of satisfaction spread across their lips at the halfling's frustration. "I am not going to simply yield to your childish pranks. You expect me to overlook the multiple sticky traps you have stuffed within my boots this morning?"

"Hey, you said your feet were slipping out of them, I was doing you a favor."

"I recall saying no such thing."

"Alright, you got me, but still; it was really funny watching you scrub them in the river for like five hours."

"Perhaps you would benefit from the same experience."

"Hu-" The halfling's confusion was cut short as he was lifted into the air by the back of his shirt. Carrying Belkar with a Bugsby hand spell, Vaarsuvius flew over to the aforementioned river and suspended him over the water. Ignoring his curses and thrashing, Vaarsuvius lowered him into the water.

"Perhaps now you will finally put to rest your idiotic notions of besting me. I have devoted my entire life into unraveling the secrets of the cosmos, and no sociopathic halfling can compete, much less best, my true skill. My cunning is unmatched by even the most enlightened of scholars, my wisdom is advanced beyond your most imaginative dreams, and my power exceeds your own in ways you cannot hope to understand. Even the most trained of students could not match my superior skill, and their teachers most certainly can not fathom my power. A pitiful halfling such as yourself could never-"

Vaarsuvius stopped. With wide eyes they looked down to see that the halfling had stopped thrashing in the water. Instantly Vaarsuvius pulled the halfling out of the water and dissipated the spell.

He lied splayed out of the ground and drenched in water. He was quite clearly unconscious and choking on water. Vaarsuvius looked around; nobody to be seen.

They could fetch Durkon to heal him, but that would require spreading knowledge that the elf had all but drowned a fellow party member. Roy would be furious. They themself knew no healing cantrips, nor could they use scrolls if they were to find them.

So only one option was available.

Vaarsuvius placed their hands one over the other on Belkar's chest... His surprisingly toned chest. Vaarsuvius shooed these thoughts away as they began to pump his chest with their hands. After this was done they froze. Vaarsuvius lowered their ears and squeezed their eyes shut for a moment before sighing. The elf very delicately, as if the halfling were a disgusting ogre, tilted Belkar's head back and opened his mouth. Sighing once more before they braced themself, Vaarsuvius leaned in and put their mouth to his.

Fiercely ignoring the swelling feelings in the pit of their stomach, Vaarsuvius began their attempts to fill his lungs with air. Over the next few minutes Vaarsuvius went through the process of pumping the halfling's chest and then... well... providing air to the halfling and nothing more. They were growing increasingly anxious. Belkar’s body was still unresponsive, his breathing was still absent, and his lips were still cold. Not that they were noting what his lips felt like, because they were absolutely repulsed to be touching them in the first place.

Finally the halfling sputtered, coughing up water and rolling over onto his side as Vaarsuvius sighed in relief.

Still shaky, Belkar coughed once more and looked over at the kneeling elf. "What the hell, V?! Are you trying to kill me?"

Vaarsuvius looked at the ground, silent for a moment as their own heartbeat settled down. "Regardless, I have realized my mistake before it was too late and remedied it."

Belkar sat up, using a hand to try and wipe his soaked face. "I don't like being drowned, Ears. I tried it once with this hot mermaid and I don't wanna try it again!"

"Again, I resolved it."

Belkar scowled "Wait till Roy hears about this, I bet he'd-"

"There is no need to inform Sir Greenhilt. This matter does not concern him."

"Really? Because I remember a certain uptight elf promising him not to use their magic to hurt party members."

"You have made a similar promise, which will be revealed to have been broken should you relay this story to him."

"Yeah well a few sticky traps pale in comparison to drowning someone."

"I have reason to believe he may have difficulty believing you."

"I'll just tell him to have you use the hand spell again. When you tell him you can't do it, he'll know you already used it."

Vaarsuvius narrowed their eyes. "I would rather you refrain from involving a third party."

"You just tried to drown me! I got limits, you know."

"Perhaps you would be interested in a trade? I have the suspicion that you would be interested in an Explosive Runes. I could scribe you one in return for your silence."

"An Explosive Runes? Really?" Belkar now looked curious. "Because if you want me to keep quiet to Roy, I'm gonna need more than that."

"Of course you would." Vaarsuvius deadpanned.

"Don't worry, Ears, this won't even cost you any exp." Belkar began smiling, a telling sign that Vaarsuvius should be worried.

"You appear far happier than someone who had just drowned should be." Vaarsuvius grumbled.

"Aren't you gonna ask what I want?" Belkar's grin widened.

"That was not my intention."

"I want you to kiss me, V. The biggest, sloppiest kiss you can muster." His grin was from cheek to cheek now.

Vaarsuvius looked away, their nose scrunched up a little as they tripped over their words. "In no situation would I find it necessary to kiss you, the present scenario included."

Belkar's face turned suave and mischievous. He put a finger on the elf's chin and turned them to look at him. "You want me to keep quiet, don't you? And I know you want to kiss me-"

"Preposterous." The elf casually swatted his hand away, trying to look annoyed.

"I've seen the way you look at me. Come on. This is a win-win situation, Ears." He grinned, leaning forward with a devilish look on his face.

Vaarsuvius quickly glanced around. They were still alone. After a brief moment of thought the elf sighed. "Very well. But know that I consent to your ridiculous terms solely due to the necessity of your silence." They spoke professionally, as if they were agreeing to a business contract rather than agreeing to kiss their sociopathic teammate.

Belkar's eyes widened. He didn't seem to have been expecting the elf to consent to his demands. His face turned red and he stuttered. "A... Alright then."

Vaarsuvius smiled a little, amused at catching the halfling off guard and flustering him. They lightly put a hand to his chin and lifted it slowly, savoring the flustered look on his face. They lowered their hand, slowly leaned in, and heavily closed their eyes. Belkar watched in surprise before slowly closing his eyes and listening to his own heart pump. There was a moment of tense nothingness before Vaarsuvius's lips could be felt tenderly landing on his. Belkar backed up ever so slightly, took a breath, and reunited their lips at an angle.

He rose a hand to cup the elf's cheek, slowly trailing it down the jaw line until it rested there. Belkar wrapped his other arm around Vaarsuvius's waist, pulling the elf firmly towards him and deepening the kiss. His heart pounded in his chest so loud he swore the elf could hear it.

After a moment he felt a petite hand on his shoulder, with the attached forearm lying against his chest. Vaarsuvius allowed Belkar to lean into the kiss and tenderly nudge open their mouth. The elf's thumb rubbed little circles on the back of the halfling's neck as he pulled them closer and pressed harder against them. Their tongues nervously met and then they were kissing. Really kissing.

Belkar's face turned as red as Vaarsuvius's robes. The elf was lost in the moment, lost in the halfling's tender loving touch. They raised the hand that was on his shoulder and cupped his cheek gently. The elf felt the muscles of the halfling strain to pull them tighter. Surprisingly, his kiss was much more sweet and tender than expected. His mouth was inviting, their tongues were dancing, and his hand delicately resting on the elf's face was maddening. It didn't matter that the halfling was cold and wet, all that mattered right now was that they kept going, kept kissing Belkar.

...

Kissing Belkar.

With a small jolt the elf opened their eyes in shock.

The halfling on top of them was all but melting into the kiss, his face beet red and blissful. He looked nothing like he usually did; crafty and devilish with a mischievous glint in his eye. On the contrary it was rather... loving.

After a moment Vaarsuvius closed their eyes again, mushing their lips together roughly before parting their mouth from his. Their tongues slid slowly back to their own mouths and the two looked into the other's eyes.

Belkar looked as if he was in a daze, his bleary eyes were barely open and his crimson face looked dumbstruck. Vaarsuvius couldn't help but smile at his near catatonic state. "I believe that will suffice?" The elf asked smugly.

The dumb dopey smile on his face told the elf his answer. He spoke breathily- almost as if drunk. "You should drown me more often, Ears."

"Refrain from infringement of our contract and I will not further endanger your life."

"You can endanger my life like that anytime." He was speaking breathlessly, clearly exhilarated. He cupped the elf's cheeks in both hands and leaned in again, lips puckered. Vaarsuvius leaned backward, eyes wide and ears drooped.

"Wha...?" Belkar asked dumbly.

"I apologize. This is wrong." Vaarsuvius looked away, calmly removing Belkar's hands from their cheeks.

"What? The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I was mistaken in encouraging this behavior, I must put it to an end."

"What behavior?"

"I... Cannot be engaged in a romantic manner with you." Vaarsuvius looked wistful, and they began to pull away entirely from the confused halfling.

"Wha-why not? I mean we were just-"

"I know what we were just doing. And now I am saying that it shall not repeat itself."

Belkar's dumbstruck look said everything.

"Every aspect of this is wrong, do you not see that? With any person I should be coupled with, they should be able to respect and challenge my considerable intellect. My mate wouldn't be a sociopathic, vehement, juvenile...-" The elf was clearly frustrated and struggling for words. Their hand was gripping the roots of their hair and their eyes were widening.

"Hey. Ears."

Vaarsuvius stopped. They didn't look at him but he was sure they were listening. "It's not like all this is supposed to make sense. I don't do this mushy stuff; I just find a smokin hot babe, have my fun, and I'm off. But I really don't give a damn. Sometimes you just gotta stop thinking.”

Vaarsuvius looked at him without looking. Their voice was trembling slightly when they spoke. "To what are you referring?"

"I, uh..." It was scientifically impossible for Belkar's face to turn any redder or for his eyes to go any wider. He looked down and shuffled his feet. He cursed to himself in his head, unable to force any words past the knot in his throat.

"Belkar?"

He froze. The elf hardly ever used his name. He looked up at Vaarsuvius’s eyes and realized they were just as scared and confused as he was.

"I do. Uh. Want to be romantically engaged with you." He managed to get the words out.

Vaarsuvius's ears drooped and their eyes widened even more. "B-b-but that's completely irrational! Our pairing together is entirel-"

"It doesn't matter, dammit. You like me, don't you?"

"R-ridiculous." The elf looked away, pursing their lips.

Belkar was getting annoyed. "Vaarsuvius. We were lip-locked on the ground just now. Not to mention the fact that YOU kissed ME in the first place. You can't just swap spit with someone and act like it never happened. _Especially_ when we just made out like two seconds ago."

"You are also disregarding the fact that you coerced me into doing so."

"I told you to kiss me. I didn't say you had to clean my teeth with your tongue and put your hands around my neck."

Vaarsuvius looked pained and embarrassed. "Bitterleaf, I-"

"Tell me if I kissed you right now that you'd pull away." Belkar interrupted sternly.

Vaarsuvius swallowed hard and looked at the halfling, trying to think of some form of excuse.

But they couldn't.

After a moment Vaarsuvius stood up, clearly making an effort to keep their voice calm. "I see. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I must go now."

"What? Oh _hell_ no! You are _not_ walking away from this!" He pointed after the elf.

"I have nothing to discuss with you." Vaarsuvius slowly began walking away.

"Bullshit! You’re madly in love with me –just say it." He followed the elf angrily.

"I am not-" Vaarsuvius was cut short as Belkar jumped in front of them with his arms spread out.

"Hold it, Ears! Give me one good reason you won't give in and be with me."

"Other than the fact that I possess no romantic attraction concerning you?"

Belkar made no response, eventually forcing Vaarsuvius to continue. The elf sighed. "It is rather evident that we are incompatible; a relationship would be disastrous."

"How do you know?"

"Pardon?"

"Did I stutter? You have no idea what will happen if we get together, you're just guessing."

"It is the only possible outcome."

"Wanna bet? Why don't we try this thing out and see?"

Vaarsuvius brushed past him. "I see no reason to partake in such a useless experiment."

Belkar watched for a moment before looking away again. "Fine. I guess you can't stand being wrong."

Vaarsuvius stopped walking and looked over their shoulder.

"Pardon?"

"No, it's cool. I'd rather walk away than be proved wrong too. No big deal."

Vaarsuvius turned to look at him. "I am not wrong."

"Then why not prove it to me?"

"There would be no sense in doing so."

"Yeah, ‘cause you don't want to know you're wrong."

"There is no need for proof! Does a bird have to take flight to prove that it can? Or a sword to be swung to prove it can deal damage? No! Such things are a natural progression of logic and reasoning!"

"Then what's the harm in proving that to me?" He was smirking now.

"BECAUSE SUCH THINGS NEED NO PROOF TO BE ACCURATE!" Vaarsuvius yelled, growing more and more agitated.

Belkar resisted the urge to look at the elf's clearly frustrated face. He simply shrugged. "I mean, hey, if you're wrong, you're wrong. No need to be a sore loser about it."

"..."

Bingo, Belkar grinned.

"I will prove it to you. You will see that we are without a doubt entirely and completely incompatible. And when all doubt is cleared you will refrain from discussing the issue again. Are we clear?"

Belkar forced himself to stop grinning and turned around with an indifferent expression. "Sure, whatever." He walked past the elf smugly.

Vaarsuvius took flight to catch up to the halfling, landing in front of him with a pointed hand raised. "We must first establish the parameters of this experiment."

Belkar raised an eyebrow, grinning. "Alright, like what?"

"Firstly, we must establish that this experiment will be a continued study until the incompatibility of our pairing is evident to both parties."

"That, or until both of us agree we were meant for each other."

Vaarsuvius narrowed their eyes "Yes, fine. Now we may move on to the rules of said experiment." They pointed their hand again. "We are to act as if we were genuinely courting at all times. Neither party is allowed the use of charms, potions, enchantments, or any other sort of unnatural influence to beguile the other into admiring them."

"So no love spells or potions, you mean?"

"Correct."

"That goes both ways, then. You can't intentionally try to piss me off and make me call off the 'experiment' by blowing me up every two seconds with Explosive Runes." He pointed at the elf, a hint of a growl in his voice.

Vaarsuvius raised a hand and closed their eyes. "Agreed. No sabotage of any sort is permitted. Additionally, none of our compatriots are to be informed of the nature of this experiment."

"Why not?"

Vaarsuvius paused for a moment. Truthfully they didn't want the others to know about their... fondness for a certain halfling. "They may attempt to sway the outcome of the experiment with their own sort of sabotage."

Belkar nodded, giving Vaarsuvius relief. "Is that it, then?"

"I believe so. The experiment will conclude when both parties can agree on the compatibility or incompatibility of our pairing."

"Alright, then. See ya later, sweet cheeks." Belkar walked past Vaarsuvius, waving his hand casually.


	2. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Vaarsuvius regrets their decision, Belkar is smug as shit, and BlackWing finds it hilarious.

"What." BlackWing deadpanned.

"I cannot believe I allowed myself to be manipulated in such a manner! I completely allowed myself to submit to his plotting, and now I am to be trapped in an intimate experiment with him until he finally permits logic to enter his mind -which, considering our subject- may never take place!" Vaarsuvius put their hands on their face, groaning.

"So just call it off."

"To do as such would require further attempts to reason with the halfling, none of which would prevail. Overlooking the fact that the smug look he wears on his face is beyond infuriating on the utmost level, logic and reasoning are completely foreign concepts to him!"

BlackWing paused, then raised an eyebrow. "So you'd rather date him for who knows how long then have to try and reason with him?"

Vaarsuvius took a long time to respond, then spoke defensively. "We are not 'dating'. We will simply construct a facade in which we would be courting."

"So you're pretending to date."

"Not quite, no."

BlackWing covered his face with a wing, exasperated. "Oh my gods..."

Vaarsuvius looked up at him, clearly regretting their allowing to be played. "Now I shall be stuck with him for an indefinite amount of time, surely even I do not deserve such a horrid punishment.”

"Eh, you don't mind. If you really did then you would swallow your pride and call it off."

Vaarsuvius began to defend themself but only got a few sentences in until BlackWing's hysterical laughter became too loud to hear over. They angrily attempted to ignore the bird and trance.

Belkar laid stretched out on his back. His arms were crossed behind his head and his ankles were crossed. He smiled to himself as he closed his eyes, incredibly satisfied with himself. Mr. Scruffy purred as he curled up in the crook of the halfling's arm and slept, uncaring that his smug master was humming happily to himself.

-

Vaarsuvius looked unwell the next morning. They had completely been unable to trance without being interrupted by thoughts of their earlier encounter with a certain halfling.

"You okay, V? You look sick?" Haley asked, concerned.

"I am well, Miss Starshine. I was simply unable to maintain a constant trance during the previous night cycle."

BlackWing held in laughter.

"If you say so." Haley grimaced.

Vaarsuvius rubbed their eyes slowly as they grabbed their food and began to eat mindlessly.

"You're not going to come down and eat with the rest of us?"

"I have some reading I must finish beforehand. Additionally I must prepare my spells for the day before I commence any activities. Worry not, I shall reintegrate myself with the party’s presence momentarily."

"Suit yourself." Haley waved as they left the room.

BlackWing allowed himself to giggle now. Vaarsuvius scowled to themself angrily and muttered. "I fail to see the humor in this."

"Of course you would."

"An inability to remain in a constant trance is hardly amusing."

"It is when the reason you can't trance is because you can’t stop thinking of Belkar."

"That" Vaarsuvius swallowed their food and stared at the rest intensely "is an absurd assumption."

"But it's true, isn't it?"

"Please. It is rather difficult to eat and converse simultaneously."

BlackWing snickered to himself.

-

Vaarsuvius slowly entered the room, deliberately avoiding looking at the small green figure seated at the far end of the room. They quietly seated themself next to Haley and listened to Roy as he stood up to speak.

"Alright, gang. I followed up that lead about the scrolls. The good news is that it’s a scroll about liches and how to permanently kill them. The bad news is that nobody in this town can read any of it."

"If nobody can read it, how the hell do we know what it's about?" Belkar asked. Vaarsuvius refrained from looking at him, but their ears pricked at his voice.

Roy pulled out the scrolls and held them up to see. Illustrations and diagrams of a lich accompanied the writing.

"But it turns out there's a scholar secluded in the forest who could read it." Roy finished, putting the scrolls away. "So we'll head out in a little bit. Take care of any business you need to in town first -selling loot, buying new gear, anything- because we might end up not coming back here and just going straight to our next objective.”

Everyone got up from their seats and left to finish their errands.


	3. The Setting

He was watching the elf. Again.

Fantasies played through his head of Vaarsuvius leaning into him, hands stroking his chest, as he kissed their neck. A stupid smile spread across his face as he imagined straddling the elf and pinning them to the ground with his lips. His face grew warm and pink as he breathed in the elf's scent. 

Thankfully Vaarsuvius nor any member of the party had the ability to read minds. Besides, they were busy talking amongst themselves. 

"I spy with my little eye..."

"Elan, honey, I don't think now is the time."

"Aww, why not?"

"Because you've already played five games of I spy, all of which were trees, and Roy needs to concentrate."

"Ooh, I should sing a song!"

"I don't think that's a good idea. Maybe later."

"Perhaps our task will be accomplished with greater haste if I scout ahead in flight." Vaarsuvius spoke up, getting Belkar's attention. 

"No, you're not going to be able to see anything through all these trees. Besides, I'd rather we stick together." Roy responded, not looking up from his map. 

Their search for this hermit had taken them into a rather dense forest. They were constantly trampling a path through brambles and bushes, and the abundance of trees made it impossible to see very far in one direction.

Belkar looked aside and caught Vaarsuvius's eye. He wagged his eyebrows at the elf and gave a tiny smirk. Vaarsuvius instantly looked away, opting to stare ahead. Belkar resisted the urge to chuckle. He would tease the elf all he wanted, but he had to do so subtly so the party wouldn't notice. He loved watching Vaarsuvius squirm, and this "experiment" gave him lots of room and opportunities to make that happen. 

He grinned to himself at his genius. Fooling Vaarsuvius of all people was hard to do, but he had managed to use their pride against them. And he got a little action, which was _very_ nice. He spaced out for a second as he recalled the tantalizing kiss, leaning into Vaarsuvius and holding them close as their tongues danced and Vaarsuvius pet his shoulder as if they actually cared about him. 

He almost shook his head in an attempt to cut that train of thought. As of right now that was wishful thinking. But maybe later down the road, this "experiment" could change that. 

And if not? Hey, he still got to make out with Vaarsuvius.

"How far is this thing anyway?" He piped up. 

"I don't know. What I _do_ know is that we aren't even close." 

"What makes you think that?"

"We haven't had a random encounter yet."

A wail sounded, stopping the party in their tracks. A ghoulish lady peered at them from behind the trees, her mouth hanging open and her long, scraggly hair dangling. 

" ** _Really_** , Roy!?" Belkar hissed.

The banshee screeched and rushed at them. 

 

\---

 

"Ugh, I hurt all over..." Belkar moaned. 

"Well maybe you shouldn't have jumped in like a maniac with a death wish." Roy retorted, clearly annoyed. 

"What's the fun in playing it safe?" Belkar managed a painful grin. 

Roy put a hand to his face, sighing. "If you're gonna be so reckless I don't know why we should even heal you."

Durkon raised a pointed hand. "Act'ully lad, I used me last healin' spell on Elan jus now. I dinnae have any healing ‘till dawn. Tha lad will just have ta sit tight 'till mornin'."

Belkar tried to protest, but was cut off as a cough racked his body. Roy sighed, still holding his face. "Fine. We'll camp here until morning."

"Roy, lad, I dinnae think Belkar should fall asleep. 'e hit 'is head pretty hard back 'ere. If 'e sleeps 'e could slip into a coma."

Belkar coughed once more and spoke up. "No problem. Vaarsuvius can stay up with me and keep me awake."

This earned him incredulous looks from everyone, especially Vaarsuvius themself. 

"And why, pray tell, would I do that?" Vaarsuvius asked after a moment of silence. 

"Well, elves don't need to sleep. You just need to not be doing much to rest up." He paused to put a hand to his head as it pulsed painfully. "Besides, you're probably jealous some undead lady has had my attention all day instead of you."

The rest of the group looked at Vaarsuvius curiously as the elf narrowed their eyes. "I could not bring myself to care less about your interactions with the supernatural." They turned their head towards Roy. "Sir Greenhilt, is it your will that I supervise the halfling to prevent his slumber?"

Roy looked back to Belkar, who was quite obviously in rough shape. "Yeah. So long as you don't need to trance to get your spells back."

"No, it is as the halfling said."

"Then, yeah, that'd be great. I'll set a fire up for you guys so you don't freeze."

"My thanks."

Roy gestured for Durkon and Haley to follow, leaving Elan and Vaarsuvius to pitch tents and set up camp, and Belkar to heckle them as they did so. 


	4. Downtime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Hjorth for beta reading~

Vaarsuvius gazed into the fire dully, listening to the crackling pops it made. Sudden coughing made them look up. Belkar was sitting hunched over with one arm around his torso and the other propping him up. His face was scrunched in pain and his eyes glittered in the firelight. He was clearly uncomfortable, but not much could be done about that until the morning.

After a moment's thought Vaarsuvius addressed him. "I am still uncertain as to why you have selected me amongst our associates to supervise you."

Belkar cleared his throat a little before looking up at the elf and replying slowly. "I told you; elves don’t need to sleep to rest up.”

“I suspect that is not your sole reasoning. Such logic is unlike you unless you possess a selfish ulterior motive.”

“Yeah, well, I figured you were so worried when I got hurt that you wanted to stay up all night with me to make sure I feel better. I know how much you care about me."

Vaarsuvius dully raised an eyebrow, clearly not impressed with the answer.

Belkar shrugged best he could and continued a little defensively. "Whatever, does it matter? Aren't we doing this thing where we try to see if we would actually work out together?"

"Technically we are engaging in an experiment in which we are to simulate courtship in order to determine o-"

"Hey you're supposed to be making sure I DON'T fall asleep, remember?"

Vaarsuvius sighed and leaned forward, resting their forearms on their lap. "You would not be in this situation had you expressed caution."

"Yeah, because I _wanted_ to get torn up by a stupid banshee." Belkar muttered sarcastically, then looked up with a tiny grin. "Don't act like you're not secretly happy we get some alone time out of it."

Vaarsuvius ignored this, and just looked at the halfling for a moment. "How are you faring?"

"Well I've just been beaten up by a crazy bitch with a bad hair day, I can't stand up without falling over, and I got an uptight androgynous elf taking care of me instead of a cute and sexy nurse. I'm just peachy." He paused, and after Vaarsuvius said nothing, added, "You wanna kiss it better?"

"You are evidently not severely impaired, seeing as you have retained your absurd flirtatious demeanor."

"Lucky for you, huh?"

"Certainly." Vaarsuvius replied sarcastically, looking back to the fire.

Belkar watched, grin fading, as the elf stared into the fire. Had he said something wrong? _Damn_ his head hurt. He wished he could fall asleep, but right now the fact that he was sitting around the fire under the stars alone with Vaarsuvius was enough to motivate him to stay awake. Fantasies played in his head as he watched the elf through heavy eyelids and a wide, dopey smile played across his face. He could almost feel their soft, succulent lips against his and their arms around his neck as he laid them down and-

"I am not quite certain as to what you expect of myself or this experiment."

Vaarsuvius's words thrust Belkar back into reality. The elf looked back up at him after a moment, incidentally giving him just enough time for him to blink away the lustful glaze in his eyes. "What?"

"I am unsure of your expectations regarding myself and this experiment. Are you perhaps hoping a deep mutual bond will develop between the two of us as the experiment progresses? Or instead you might simply desire the enthrallment of physical contact you hope our continued companionship to consequent?"

"Is all of the above an option?"

Vaarsuvius stared, leaving the halfling to elaborate. Belkar sighed and tried to shift into a more comfortable position. "Look, V, I don't much get it myself. Do I hope this works out? Yeah, I do. But I definitely wouldn't mind some "physical contact" too." He grinned and wagged his eyebrows suggestively. Vaarsuvius rolled their eyes in exasperation, earning a chuckle from the halfling. "Can't we just let it play out and see what happens?"

"To what end?"

"Until we like where we're at." Belkar shrugged.

"Surely matters of the heart are not so simple. The courtship of my mate was not nearly so complicated and unpredictable."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot you're married." Belkar cleared his throat awkwardly and looked away, not sure what to say on the subject.

"No..." Vaarsuvius looked down at the ground sadly. "My mate has filed a divorce against me."

"Because of the whole genocide thing?"

Vaarsuvius winced. "Correct."

Belkar looked at the fire, completely lost for words. He already wasn't the best at idle conversation but his pounding head and nausea were making it near impossible. He narrowed his eyes, trying to focus and push away the black foaming in at the corners of his vision. He pulled up his hood, putting pressure -however slight- against his skull.

"Do not succumb to slumber." Vaarsuvius spoke pointedly, seeing his eyes fluttering shut.

Belkar wiped his face with a hand, groaning. He looked up at Vaarsuvius and smirked at them. "What are you willing to do to keep me awake?"

Vaarsuvius's eyes narrowed in irritation. Eventually they spoke, but when they did it was very quiet and indifferent. "What is your prediction on the outcome of this experiment?"

Belkar thought for a moment. "I don't know. If I was being optimistic I'd say you'd finally confess your undying love for me and we’d live happily ever after like some cliché fairytale."

Vaarsuvius listened blankly, eliciting no response. Belkar continued.

"But realistically? We're going to have to put in some effort to make this work. I'm a sadistic son of a bitch and you're an uptight know-it-all. It won't be easy."

Vaarsuvius blinked. "That is very profound. Why is it that despite the various obstacles you are still willing to pursue such an engagement?"

Belkar couldn't hold the elf's gaze anymore. Thankfully the firelight and bruises on his face concealed his light blush. Belkar looked down and watched as he wiggled his toes. "It doesn't matter."

Vaarsuvius watched the halfling fidget his toes, then looked up and studied his face. His eyes were narrowed and he was frowning tightly. Vaarsuvius spoke quietly, watching his face for a reaction to their words.

"Perhaps the effort will be well spent."

Belkar looked up, eyes wide. His blue eyes locked with Vaarsuvius's violet-pink ones. His face was becoming unmistakably red. Slowly he began to smile fondly at the elf. Taking a contented breath, Belkar looked up and gazed at the stars with Vaarsuvius.


	5. Redirected

The Order set out early the next day, and following the laws of encounter probability, they were met with zero random encounters. It was still bright out when they spotted the ivy-covered cabin. "Alright, guys, remember, let me do the talking." Roy spoke quietly as they approached the door, giving Elan a pointed look. The dark-skinned fighter rapped on the wooden door with his knuckles and stood back.

An elf opened the door, blinking at them with surprise. "Hello? Who are you?"

"My name's Roy, and this is my team. We were in the city back there" he pointed over his shoulder "and some of the townsfolk told us you could help us read a scroll we have."

The elf raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "What's in it for me?"

If Roy was taken aback, he didn't show it. "Well we **_are_ ** on a quest to save the universe, and this scroll would help us accomplish that, but I suppose that's not good enough for you, huh?"

"Yeah, no."

"How much do you want?" Roy offered with the slightest irritation.

The elf paused for a moment to think, then opened her door a little wider. "Here, do you see my fireplace? Right now it's running on coal, but when I run out I have to go get more, and let me tell you, it's a bitch. If you could get an Everlasting Flame for me, then I'll read your scroll."

"Why don't you just use firewood? You live in the middle of a forest."

"I'm a druid, I can't do that."

"Oh. Okay, well, where can we get an Everlasting Flame?"

"Hmm." The elf hummed to herself as she thought, then snapped a finger. "Oh! My old adventuring buddy, Takka, has one! He's a rogue, I remember when he stole it right out from under the shopkeeper's nose."

"Where would we find him?"

"He lives in town, actually."

There was a loud groan of complaining behind Roy as he put a hand to his face. "Of course. Alright, thanks. We'll be back with this fire soon."

"Tell him Josie sent you."

The elf smiled and watched them leave before shutting the door.

\---

"Are we there yet?"

"No. And stop asking."

"But I'm tired, Roy, my feet feel funny."

"Aye, lad. Mebbe we ought'a rest for tha night."

"Fine." Roy caved. "Help me get some firewood."

Before long the Order was circled around a crackling fire, the cuts of meat hanging from the sharpened sticks above the fire were slowly cooking and beginning to smell good. Belkar diligently rotated them when needed and added salts and spices that he seemed to have carried on his person. Once the meat was cooked Belkar passed out the sticks to Roy, Elan, Haley, and Durkon. As the humans and dwarf ate their food and idly talked, Belkar slunk over to the elven wizard and shoved a bowl at them.

Vaarsuvius just blinked at him in surprise before taking the bowl. Peering down into it they found it tastefully filled with vegetables laced with dressing. Vaarsuvius looked back up at Belkar, not speaking for two reasons. The first being that the question was obvious enough that it did not have to be asked, the second was to not draw attention to themselves in front of the rest of the Order.

"Hey, elves don't like meat much anyways, right? You guys like the greens. Besides, I wanted the last meat kabob, so there." Belkar grumbled defensively, not looking at the elf.

After a pause Vaarsuvius nodded. "This is a favorable solution."

Belkar made a sort of strangled noise that may have been an attempt to agree with them, then turned back to the fire and grabbed his meal. Neither of them said a thing when he hopped up on the log and sat next to them as he ate.


	6. Shared Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my beta reader

Belkar stretched his arms behind his back, groaning a little with the effort. He wiped his eyes boredly, watching the distance for any movement. Not that anything was going to happen, but you could bet Roy would have his ass if he wasn't being a good little lookout. 

Belkar swung his feet back and forth through the air as he sat in the boughs of an old tree. Occasionally he would look back at the still forms of his sleeping party, and in particular one restless elf, but for the main part he simply stared and stared bored out of his mind at the motionless trees watching for any movement. 

He pricked up at rustling sound. Belkar looked along the tree line but saw nothing. He cursed under his breath -why did Roy put him on watch when he knew Belkar had no points in spot? It wasn't until the noise quietly sounded again that Belkar realized it was coming from the other direction. His head snapped around and he instantly stopped as he saw the dainty figure of Vaarsuvius at the trunk of the tree looking up at him.

He blinked, surprised. After a moment he quickly checked the tree line once more to be safe. Seeing nothing he jumped down the tree and landed next to the elf. He looked up at them questioningly. Vaarsuvius silently gestured for him to follow them, and lead Belkar down one of the trails. 

"So what's up?" Belkar asked once they were far enough away that he could no longer hear Durkon's thunderous snoring. 

"Nothing of importance. I took note of your sentiment the previous day and merely desired to return the gesture. You may at any time return to your post should you so choose." Vaarsuvius spoke in their usual monotone.

"Return the gesture? You're gonna cook for me?" Belkar raised an eyebrow, Vaarsuvius didn't seem like they would even know where to begin on cooking. 

They shook their head. "No, rather I wished to return the display of consideration you exhibited to my person. I had the assumption that investing time in your company for the sake of said company would be an appropriate course of action."

Belkar smiled to himself, thankful the elf was looking at the path ahead instead of seeing his smile, and sped up a little to see their face better, turning his head to look at them with a grin. "So you wanted to take an evening stroll with your ruggedly handsome boyfriend in the moonlight. Big deal- you don't need to make an excuse."

Vaarsuvius made a scoffing noise, and glanced at him with a dismissive look. "I would hardly use those particular adjectives to describe you, let alone refer to you as my romantic partner."

Belkar chuckled. "It's okay, we're alone. You can say or do whatever you want." He wagged his eyebrows at the elf, who promptly looked away in what he knew was only mock disgust. "What? You wanted to talk to me alone in the woods under a starry sky, so I assu-"

Vaarsuvius sighed and put a hand to their forehead. "I was hoping this would demonstrate my willingness to submit myself to your company."

"You sure that's all?" Belkar grinned, sounding as suave as he could. "Like I said, we _are_ all alone..."

Vaarsuvius rolled their eyes and held their arm out towards him, palm extended. 

Belkar looked at it and blinked, confused. He looked up at the elf with a curious look. "So... What are you doing?"

Vaarsuvius refused to look at him, keeping their steely gaze focused on the trail ahead of them. "You yourself took note on how our pairing would take work to prosper. You desire physical contact, do you not? I am offering a compromise that may satisfy us both."

Belkar felt his face heat up as he watched the elf's unwavering face. He slowly raised his hand and took Vaarsuvius' -interlocking their fingers together slowly. A fluttering swelled up in his stomach and he bit his lip to try to block it out. He looked up at Vaarsuvius, who displayed no reaction whatsoever to their handholding. 

He said nothing for a long time, simply enjoying holding Vaarsuvius' delicate hand and breathing in their scent. After a long time of walking silently together, Belkar cleared his throat and spoke up. "So... you _want_ to make this work?" He asked curiously, trying to sound casual but failing miserably –his voice cracking slightly. 

"Pardon?" Vaarsuvius' eyes narrowed in confusion as they looked down at the halfling. 

"Well you came to have a stroll under the stars alone with me to show you care, and am holding my hand to 'compromise'" -he made air quotes with his free hand at this-, "because you said relationships take work, implying that you're willing to work for said relationship."

Vaarsuvius' eyes widened, and their ears drooped. For a brief moment Belkar could feel their hand clench. Vaarsuvius looked back to the trail and murmured. "It would appear our shared company has had its effects on you. You have become more profound -if only marginally on the rare occasion- over the course of our interactions."

"You're dodging the question." Belkar smirked with a raised eyebrow. 

"I was merely making an observation." 

"I'm not hearing a no." He chimed teasingly, softly bumping the elf's side with his elbow. 

"Neither will you be hearing an affirmative answer." Vaarsuvius gave him a pointed look, which quickly disappeared as they saw his face. "Are you ill?"

Belkar, thrown off guard, blinked dumbly. "What do you mean?"

"Your face is an astounding shade of red. Perhaps you are running a fever?"

Belkar turned even redder in response and balked. "Wha-No! I'm not sick!" His grip on Vaarsuvius' hand slackened, but he did not let go. 

"No, I am quite certain I am correct. Elves have excellent starlight vision, as you may be aware. Additionally, your hand is growing clammy."

Belkar cursed his hand silently for betraying him. His eyes widened in a panic as he saw Vaarsuvius stop and reach over with their other hand to feel his forehead. Belkar quickly intercepted it, grabbing it and pulling it down before it could rest against his forehead. 

Vaarsuvius' eyes narrowed in confusion. "Bitterleaf, you-"

"I'm fine, alright?" Belkar managed to get out, growing more nervous as he looked into the elf's violet eyes. "Just... I'm just..." Words failed him. The two of them were suddenly aware of just how close they were. Their hands loosened their grip on each other slowly. Belkar stared at the moonlight against Vaarsuvius' silken hair and the glow in their eyes. The wind ever so slightly rustled their hair and robes. Belkar gaped at the elf, eyes wide and face red, as he tried to spit out words. 

"I'm just..." His mouth was dry, and he swallowed hard in an attempt to remedy it. His heart pounded against his chest as he subconsciously began to lean forward and stand on his toes. "I..." He found that he could not speak for some reason. Slowly his eyes began to flutter shut and he felt their fingers realign and link together once more. Vaarsuvius began to shut their eyes as well, and Belkar could feel the elf draw their hands back to pull him close. They both leaned in. Belkar could smell the elf's sweet savory breath as he tilted his head and-

**_SNAP!_ **

The two whirled around, Vaarsuvius breaking away from Belkar, eyes wide and panicked as they watched something white emerge from the bushes. 

A small, furry head popped out of the bushes and looked up at the two humanoids. 

" _Mrrow_?" Mr. Scruffy mewed, trotting over to his owner. 

Belkar looked over and laughed nervously at Vaarsuvius, who had turned white as a ghost. "I guess you're, uh, gonna have to share."

Vaarsuvius looked away, seemingly embarrassed. "We should be returning to camp. Should our joined absence be noted on the part of our compatriots we may face suspicion." 

"Alright." Belkar nodded in agreement and watched as Vaarsuvius began walking back to camp. He sighed quietly to himself and followed. 

Vaarsuvius said nothing. Belkar watched their elegant walk with longing. He wanted nothing more than to grab the elf and dip them into a long kiss, but he knew the moment had passed and he would probably be pushed away and lose his already slim chances with the elf. 

Something clicked in his mind. He was taking care to consider Vaarsuvius and what they wanted. He had been being careful not to screw things up, but this was different. He cared now. He sucked his teeth and narrowed his eyes in thought as he stared at the wizard's cloaked back. The image of Vaarsuvius in the moonlight, standing with their stupid eyes focused on him, was still clear in his mind. He could still feel their hands conjoined and his heart pounding against his chest. When he breathed he could still smell the elf's intoxicating scent. And worst of all, he could still feel that quivering feeling he had felt in his very soul during it all. 

Belkar scowled to himself- he could think about this and what it meant later. 

 _After_ he had walked Vaarsuvius back to camp. 


	7. Matchmaking

Vaarsuvius unlocked the door and stepped inside, briefly looking around the room before shutting the door behind them. Blackwing flew off Vaarsuvius' shoulder and perched himself on the curtain rod over the window. Vaarsuvius walked over to the bed, unpacked their night robes from their bag of holding, and placed them in a neatly folded pile on the nightstand.

They flicked an ear as they heard faint footsteps in the hallway passing their room. Praying the walls were thick enough to block most noise from the neighboring rooms throughout the night, Vaarsuvius went back to idly setting their spell books and scrolls out on the nightstand.

A swish of paper could be heard as the footsteps grew quieter and farer away. Vaarsuvius blinked and turned to face the door. Blackwing glided over to the envelope that had been slid under the door. "Hey, look, V; you got mail."

\--

Belkar went through the halls with difficulty. The mass of blankets he was attempting to carry caused him to stop in frustration as he was faced with a challenge- a shut door. Belkar peered around the blankets he was carrying in an attempt to see in front of him to find the doorknob.

"Here, let me." Elan walked up to him and graciously took the blankets from Belkar.

"Right there on the floor next to my bed is fine." Belkar followed the bard into the room.

Elan plopped the blankets down as instructed, and Belkar looked over at his bed where Mr. Scruffy had been waiting. Petting the cat on the forehead for a moment he smiled as he heard Mr. Scruffy purr. After he was done, he picked the house cat up and turned to put him on the blankets. He paused for a moment as he looked at the blankets and the envelope that was nestled on top of them.

\--

It was dark and quiet, save for the ambient chatter and buzz of the city around them. They listened intently as they went down a level, being careful not to provoke any of the steps into squeaking.

As they descended the stairs a distant light could be seen illuminating the meeting room. They stopped at the base of the stairs, checking their surroundings for traps of any sort. It was suspiciously odd that the letter had dictated this specific path be taken to arrive here. Seeing nothing and hearing nothing other than the calm music that grew louder as they approached the source, Vaarsuvius peered into the room

\--

Belkar kept close to the walls, a hand resting on his hip and ready to grab a dagger if need be. He flipped his hood up as he moved along the halls listed in the instructions. He heard quiet music, and the smells from the kitchen from the day's meals were tantalizing -he might just pop over for a snack when he was done with... whatever the hell it was he was doing.

He was getting closer to the music, it seemed. It was a calm and charming sound, but that did nothing to ease his wariness. As he turned the corner he saw a distant firelight, the music grew louder and the smells grew stronger. He ducked down as he slunk around the corner.

\--

The two stared at each other in stunned silence. It was Belkar who broke the silence between them.

"V-Vaarsuvius?" Belkar sputtered, instinctively taking a step back with pink cheeks. He threw his hood back in a way that was almost embarrassed.

The room was modestly decorated; a simple faded blue tablecloth over a table in the middle of the room, a vase containing a few roses on top of it, along with various lit candles and covered plates that was surely a thought-out meal plunged the two into a very... strange environment.

Vaarsuvius’ ears lowered and their eyes widened. They blinked a couple of times before seeming to snap out of it. "What is your purpose for being awake at such an hour? You have been complaining about your exhaustion all day."

"Nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh no." Belkar lifted a hand and shook it as he said this, then pointed it at them. "You first, Ears."

Vaarsuvius narrowed their eyes slightly. "As you may have been able to muster the logic to assume, I have been summoned here by an anonymous letter. I assume that you presence can be explained by a similar occurrence."

"Yup." Belkar held up the piece of paper. "What does yours say? Let me see." He walked over to the elf and traded letters.

"Huh." Belkar hummed after he was done reading the letter addressed to Vaarsuvius. "Any idea what this is about?" He looked up at Vaarsuvius, handing the paper back.

"Hmm... I have a theory."

"Well?"

"I theorize you need to place more ranks in Spot." Vaarsuvius extended an arm outwards, gesturing to a cardboard cutout of a flowery bush that had previously gone unnoticed.

Belkar put a hand to his face as he approached the cutout, the music getting louder as he did. He grabbed the cutout and pulled the top towards him, knocking it over and revealing a certain blond bard sitting and playing on his lute.

Elan stopped playing and looked up at them, smiling warmly. "Hi guys."

Belkar just closed his eyes and put his palm back on his face. Vaarsuvius balked as they approached. "What is this? Elan, I demand an explanation for this scheming. Such plotting and manipulations is quite unlike you."

"What? I'm just helping my friends out." Elan said innocently, absently plucking at a few chords.

"In what manner would it assist anyone for the two of us to be lured in the midst of the night under uncertain pretenses to a room illuminated with candles and sounding with music?"

"Well you two are going to start dating soon, aren't you?"

Vaarsuvius took a step back, eyes widening. "Wha-How could you have allowed such an absurd concept to be conceived in your mind?"

“Well you two have been getting closer lately, and I'm here to help you along. Elan, Matchmaker 2.0!" He extended an arm in a dramatic fashion, smiling. Belkar still had not removed his hand from his face or opened his eyes.

"I assure you, there is nothing of a romantic nature transpiring between the two of us. That is an absurd and offensive accusation." Vaarsuvius managed to regain their composure a little despite still looking extremely uncomfortable.

Elan narrowed his eyes in confusion. "What do you mean? It's perfect; you two are the odd ones out, you're the only two non-Goo-"

"Stop." They held up a hand to gesture for him to stop, shut their eyes, and wiped their face with their other hand. "Elan. There is nothing of a romantic sort conspiring here. You are not to interfere in our interpersonal affairs in the future. I shall further dictate that you keep silent to our associates on this matter."

Elan's smile faded. "But..."

"Come on, Cupid, let's get you back to your room." Belkar intervened, waiting for Elan to get up.

Elan sighed and stood up, reluctantly allowing Belkar to lead him back to his room. Vaarsuvius took a few deep breaths to calm down as they looked around the room.

The candles were quite lovely, they smelled of lilac and huckleberry -a nice combination. Looking towards the table, Vaarsuvius sucked their teeth nervously and approached it after some thought. The roses were a tasteful addition to the arrangement, although their romantic implication was unwelcome. Vaarsuvius then lifted the lids covering the plates and found -as expected- an expensive-looking dinner. Vaarsuvius sighed as they put the lids back down over the food.


	8. True Date

"Your lack of logic has now exceeded to the point where even I cannot comprehend it."

Belkar sighed impatiently, and spoke mockingly slow. "I said... we should try... Elan's idea... of going out..."

Vaarsuvius narrowed their eyes in irritation. "The speed in which you are speaking will not aid my understanding of such an absurdity."

"I mean, he had a good idea, but there's no way we're having such a mushy dinner date." Belkar continued impatiently, trying to bring Vaarsuvius back on track.

"And you propose such intimate company can be effectively sustained if a different scenario is concocted." Vaarsuvius raised an eyebrow and crossed their arms.

"Yeah."

"And what would you propose?"

\--

Belkar raised an arm in a gesture to the large building he had led Vaarsuvius to. "Here we are." He smiled, and started towards it.

Vaarsuvius blinked at it, then followed after Belkar. "An arena? Surely you have had your fill of primitive gladiatorial brawling?"

"Yeah, you would remember that, wouldn't you? Seeing me shirtless and sweaty must have left quite an impression on you."

Vaarsuvius narrowed their eyes at his back as they continued to climb the stairs, passing aisles upon aisles of seats. "Quite. The next time I attempted to trance I was victim to the equivalent of the REM sleep cycle's 'nightmare' phenomenon."

"So, you were dreaming about me?" Belkar teased, grinning as turned to look at them and began to walk down the topmost aisle of seats.

"Elves do not dream." Vaarsuvius looked down at the arena as they sat down and smoothed out their robes.

Belkar hopped into the seat next to them. "Whatever- thinking of me. Shirtless."

"I pray you are not arranging for today to be a repeat of such a traumatic experience." Vaarsuvius looked over at them disapprovingly, nose slightly scrunched up.

Belkar chuckled and grinned wider. "Nah. You wish, though."

Vaarsuvius rolled their eyes and watched the lower aisles of seats slowly fill up as they waited for the day's events to begin. After a while of this they discreetly glanced at their company.

Belkar was sitting on the edge of his seat, eyes glittering with anticipation despite his casual expression. A smile was slowly playing across his lips as he watched the staff scurrying to begin the event. His blue, glittery eyes blinked as his mouth moved. He then remained motionless, simply watching. He blinked and turned around, giving Vaarsuvius a full view of his face, and his lips started moving again. His face scrunched up in confusion, wrinkling his brow. Belkar raised a hand towards them and waved.

" _Helloooo?_ V?"

Vaarsuvius blinked in surprise, and awkwardly stammered when they felt their face flush. "Pardon? I-uh, rather, err- What was it you were saying?"

Belkar smiled and pointed down into the arena. "They're almost ready. What were you staring at?" His voice turned suave and teasing at the question, and his smile turned into a mischievous, knowing smirk.

"Nothing of importance, I assure you." Vaarsuvius narrowed their eyes slightly.

Belkar's smirk widened and he chuckled as he noticed Vaarsuvius was still watching him. "You know the show is down there, right?"

Vaarsuvius’ ears dropped in embarrassment as they snapped their gaze back down to the arena tensely. A multitude of people -humans and nonhumans alike- seemed to be finishing the preparations for the day's event. Vaarsuvius turned their head towards Belkar while still keeping their eyes on the contenders. "Inform me of the nature of the event we will momentarily be spectating."

A sudden explosion of light and movement erupted from the arena, surprising Vaarsuvius. Spells and magical energies collided with each other with considerable force.

"Wizard's Dueling Day. Neat, huh, Ears?"

A sorcerer was throwing fireballs left and right at wizards surrounding him while another caster simply shot confusion spells at random in the crowd. A few conjurers managed to summon creatures to fight for them; big monsters that tore through the stadium and wreaked havoc amongst the chaos. Such large targets were hit with a barrage of stray spells and released an echoing roar of pain before diving into a frenzy. Massive displays of force were exhibited; some of the spellcasters were fighting against hordes with mass AOE spells, while others were preferring single targets.

Vaarsuvius blinked, absently listening to Belkar's entertained hollering and laughter, as they stared numbly down at the scene. Belkar, still laughing, turned his head to look at Vaarsuvius. "Well?" he prompted.

Vaarsuvius blinked again and made no reaction. After a moment or two they gestured with upward palms down to the battlefield.

"What mockery of the arcane arts is this?" They spoke in a raised voice over the fight.

Belkar busted back into laughing at the elf's reaction, not stopping as the wizard kept on.

"Such pathetic displays of the manipulation of the laws of our cosmos! These foolish "spellcasters", if I dare to refer to them as such, deserve this fate of being used as a means of barbaric entertainment of the commoners!"

Belkar quickly sat up and leaned forward, pointing excitedly down into the fray. "Ooooh, did you see that? I think that guy multiclassed to rouge, 'cause they just gave that chick a Sneak Attack Fireball _to the **face**_ **!"**

"An appalling use of a Fireball! Such a devastating spell has the capability of incinerating multiple foes at a distance -wasting such an inferno on a single target is an underestimation of the destruction a properly utilized Fireball can wreak." Vaarsuvius spoke quickly, very obviously appalled.

Belkar turned his haughty laughter into an uncontrollable snicker.

"Now they attempt to cast Minute Meteors? With the chaos being enacted in the stadium there is no conceivable way they will meet the spell's high concentration requirement!"

Vaarsuvius narrowed their eyes in irritation at the incompetence of the dueling wizards. Belkar managed to stop laughing and was now trying to catch his breath. After a long pause Vaarsuvius grumpily muttered just loud enough to be heard.

"I presume one of them will soon attempt to cast Magic Missile at the darkness."

Belkar immediately devolved back into hysterical laughter. Vaarsuvius glanced at him and –after a moment- chuckled uncertainly.

After Belkar had managed to calm himself down to a degree, grasping his side with one hand and wiping his eyes with the other, he looked up at Vaarsuvius and managed to get words out in between his laughter. "You're actually pretty funny, you know?” He took a breath to settle down before adding sincerely to his previous statement. “I'm glad we're doing this."

Vaarsuvius’ ears drooped a little, a small and nervous smile crossing their face. Belkar softened his smile as well, reassuring the elf, and slowly brought his hand up and set it on top of Vaarsuvius’, which had been resting on the armrest in between them. Vaarsuvius looked down at their hands and then -without moving their head- looked back at the halfling.

They studied his eyes, watery from laughter, before realizing that he was staring back at them. It may have been their imagination, but for a moment they thought he was getting closer. The elf blinked twice and quickly looked back down to the fight.

Belkar cleared his throat after a while and pointed with his other hand at a wizard who was standing still. "What's that guy doing?"

"Channeling. Most likely a colossal rabbit with which they may compel to kick their foes simply due to the size of a rabbit's foot." Vaarsuvius rolled their eyes as the stationary wizard got hit with a stray spell. “Typical.”

"What was that spell?" Belkar pointed at a glowing wizard who blast a line of energy away from them -missing every target.

"Lightning Bolt. Which, mind you, has no place being used when other more potent spells are available at that level." Vaarsuvius indulged him, then gestured to a fleeing human. “Running from a homing spell is futile, as well. Simply taking the hit and using your remaining time to cast further spells is far more productive.”

Belkar chuckled and turned to look at Vaarsuvius, who had already launched into another tirade on the incompetency of the dueling magic users. The elf spoke with a fire, often scowling and raising their voice. Their eyes sparked with passion as they went on about the proper spells and spell usage to be used in certain situations. Belkar smiled fondly, gently gripping Vaarsuvius’ hand in his own.

Vaarsuvius either didn't notice or didn't care, because they carried on as if nothing had happened. Belkar watched Vaarsuvius go on a lot longer than he'd like to admit. His dopey smile and drooping eyelids thankfully went unnoticed by the elf as they were too busy harshly criticizing the combatants. Belkar sighed in contentedness, quietly enough so that it could not be heard by even the elf’s ears.

When the fighting came to an end the two let go of the other’s hand, got up, and departed the stadium together. Both were silent until Vaarsuvius looked at Belkar and spoke. "Why did you choose this particular arrangement for our outing?"

"What, didn't you have fun?" Belkar looked up at the elf.

"I was simply curious as to how you arrived at the conclusion that this would make for a suitable...." Vaarsuvius paused, wracking their brain for the word.

"Date?" Belkar offered.

Vaarsuvius’ eyes widened ever so slightly -Belkar wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't been staring into them. "That is not the terminology I would have used..."

"Well I got to watch people getting burnt, shocked, and otherwise mauled in about twenty different ways. Meanwhile you got to show off how much you know about magic and rant on about how much better you are at it to somebody who would actually listen."

Vaarsuvius almost tripped in their surprise. They looked back to Belkar, who was awaiting their response with a tiny nervous half-smile.

"I will admit I am impressed with your forethought, and I am rather pleased with how today's arrangement played out." A faint smile played across their lips. "I enjoyed your company. Perhaps we may attend a similar event in the future should the opportunity present itself."

Belkar's eyes lit up and he smiled. "I did good, huh?"

Vaarsuvius looked back to the trail ahead. "Well.” They corrected him, then continued. ”And yes; I suppose you have."

"How about a good night kiss before we get back? I mean, you wouldn't want the others to see." He teased.

Vaarsuvius rolled their eyes. "Because surely it is of high concern to you whether or not I am comfortable with such displays of affection."

"Hey, I'd never force you." Belkar's face grew serious.

Vaarsuvius looked back at the halfling. "That was not what I had meant. Though I do appreciate the assurance."

Belkar looked away from Vaarsuvius, watching the path ahead of him. Vaarsuvius eyes narrowed curiously. Had they upset him? How? Had they accidentally caused him to believe they had such low opinions of him? They _had_ phrased their prior statement poorly...

They put an arm out and rested a hand on his shoulder, walking slower and then stopping. This brought Belkar to slow down and stop walking as well.

“Belkar, I appreciate the sincerity and thoughtfulness you have displayed tonight. I hope sometime in the near future we shall be able to once again share a similar experience.” Vaarsuvius leaned towards him and lightly kissed his forehead.

Belkar's face instantly ignited into a blush, his eyes widening a little until he swallowed and attempted to regain his composure. Vaarsuvius smiled and walked past the stunned halfling, listening almost smugly to his footsteps as he snapped out of his catatonia and hurried to catch up to them.


	9. Chilling Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long hiatus, I was going to make a chapter with Takka but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I made a slight time skip instead.   
> Please enjoy.

"It would seem that logic has finally decided to abandon us." Vaarsuvius huffed, rubbing their arms through their robes, their breath visible.  
Elan chirped up from behind. "Aw, come on V, cheer up! Now we can make snow angels, watch!" With that, he spread his arms and fell flat on his back to make a snow angel, falling out of sight into the deep snow.  
Roy sighed. "Come on, Elan. We gotta keep moving. The village isn’t that far from here.”  
No response.  
Roy huffed and turned around. "Elan-" He was cut off as a snowball smacked into his face.  
Elan scrabbled to his feet, eyes wide. "Roy! No, no, n-n-no! I didn't-! That wasn't-!"  
"It's fine, let's just go." Roy sighed, wiping his face off best he could.  
They returned to their silent trudging. Roy squinted against the light to try to discern any signs of anything. Blinking, he put a hand up to shield his eyes from the sun and-  
WHAP!  
A snowball hit him square in between his shoulder blades.  
Roy whipped his head around with a glare at the innocently-surprised-looking party. He growled under his breath and returned to squinting against the sun.  
WHAP!  
Just had to find this stupid village...  
WHAP!  
Or an igloo...  
WHAP!  
Or something.  
...  
...  
WHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAP!  
Roy whirled around, teeth gritted behind his lips. "Alright, who's the wise guy?"  
The party made no response. Vaarsuvius looked indifferent as ever, Elan was wide-eyed, Belkar was straight-faced but clearly amused, while Haley and Durkon were both exchanging glances.  
"Well clearly I'm traveling with five year olds. Though it's not really a mystery as to what's going on." He glared at Belkar, who made no reaction. He sighed "Alright, we're getting nowhere. We need to find this village Takka told us about. Let's spread out- two of us go left, two go right, and the others go straight. We can follow our footprints back to this point."  
"How far should we go out?" Haley asked.  
"About a mile or so, I'd think. If none of us can find anything we’ll have to think of something else."  
"Sounds good to me." Haley said as she walked onward, Elan in tow.  
"You're with me, Durkon."  
"Aye, lad." Durkon loudly followed his leader, trudging in his footprints.  
Which left a very defeated-looking Vaarsuvius behind with...  
"Man, how lucky can you get? They left you the best partner."  
"Truly, fate has conspired against me once more." Vaarsuvius sighed as the two set off to the left.  
"Aw, stop complaining. You had to have seen this coming. Haley is obviously going to pair up with her boyfriend, Roy and Durkon have been buddies forever, and you're hopelessly in love with me. Everybody wins." Belkar jammed his hands into his pockets, smiling.  
Vaarsuvius huffed and rubbed their arms again. "You seem as charmingly flirtatious as ever, despite the temperature."  
"Well I wouldn't want to disappoint ya." Belkar looked up. "You cold, Ears?"  
"As one would be whilst traveling through the tundra."  
Belkar raised his eyebrows and smirked suggestively. “Don’t worry. When we find this eskimo’s house or igloo or whatever I can find us a nice, quiet place to warm up.”  
Vaarsuvius blinked blankly at him. “Should I find myself insufferably cold I would simply take the more bearable alternative of igniting my robes.”  
“Alright. Just remember that when you’re freezing to death and all you can think about is being wrapped up in your boyfriend's toned, masculine chest and big, strong arms.” Belkar cooed, smirking even further.   
“I assure you, that will be the furthest thing from my mind.”  
“So you’re saying you don't want all of this?” Belkar puffed out his chest and flexed, earning an eye roll from the elf.  
“Could it be that perhaps you are actually paying attention to me? Remarkable.” After a moment they stole a quick glance at him, then noticed something and stopped halfway through looking away. “You are not wearing your gloves.”  
"No. I'm not." He replied casually, almost as a question.   
"Surely you knew we were traveling to a colder climate."  
"That I did." He stopped his flexing and posturing.  
"And despite this you did not deem it necessary to adorn the proper attire." Vaarsuvius raised an eyebrow at him.  
"No." He reached out and gently grabbed Vaarsuvius's hand.   
Vaarsuvius drew back, wrenching their hand away. "What are you-"  
"Well my hands aren't going to warm themselves."  
Vaarsuvius blinked in understanding, then looked down at him with exasperated distaste. "I pray you did not concoct a scheme in which you knowingly left your gloves behind to prey on my sympathies so as to initiate physical contact once in my proximity."  
"Maybe I left my gloves behind, maybe I didn't." Belkar shrugged, grinning a little despite himself.   
Vaarsuvius sighed. "Truly you are an enigma of logic."  
"Yeah, and this enigma is about to get frostbite, now give me your hand." Belkar reached out again.   
Vaarsuvius sighed reluctantly and took it. His hand -while cold- was still just as pleasant to hold as it had been before and still ignited the same swelling of emotion. They felt Belkar's fingers interlock with theirs and instantly forgot about the cold.   
This seemed to satisfy Belkar, as he had quieted down and was now simply looking out for any signs of their destination while lightly smiling to himself.   
Vaarsuvius allowed themself to shut their eyes for a moment. They didn't say anything or do anything, they simply allowed themself to be content with the halfling's closeness.   
After a good while, the two silently decided they were not going to find anything and should turn back. They walked in content silence, occasionally stealing glances at the other. It wasn't until they were close to the meeting point that Vaarsuvius let go of Belkar's warm hand.   
"Hey, did you guys find anything?" called a voice from up ahead. Roy was standing with an arm held up to catch their attention.   
"Nothing." Belkar shook his head.   
"We better hope Haley and Elan find something, then." Roy sighed, looking back to Durkon.   
"Aye, they best be hur'ying back before it gets too dark ta see."  
"We what?" Haley piped up, pushing their loose strand of hair out of their eye.   
"Did you find anything?"   
"Yeah, actually. A bigass igloo and some huts."  
"Thank the gods. Alright, let's go."   
\--  
It was a slow and bitter trek, but the party had finally managed to locate the 'village' of sorts. Roy opened the door of the closest stone hut, eyes widening at the warmth that rushed out to meet them. "Hello?"  
A husky looking human dressed in thick furs stood up and ushered them inside good-naturedly. "Come in, come in. We don't get many visitors up here."  
"Gee, I wonder why." Belkar muttered, picking the snow off his freezing feet.   
"We're looking for one of your men, Bentley Sprucemill?"  
“Sprucemill? Oh, yes I know him. Good man."  
"Yes, well, you see, we need something from him. Do you know where we can find him?"  
"He's out of town for the night, but he'll be back in the morning if you want to come back then."  
"In case you haven't noticed, this place isn't exactly right around the corner. It's taken us all day to get here." Belkar interrupted.  
"Well that's alright, you can stay in the spare huts on the outskirts of town."   
"Those cobblestone buildings with heavy doors?" Roy asked.  
"The very same. They should be enough to get you through the night. They aren't real warm, since no one's been living there a while, but they have fireplaces so you can just use those."  
"Thanks. I'll come back in the morning to check for Bentley."  
"Alright. Good night, fellas."  
\--  
The hut was fairly small, with a few bedrooms, a community kitchen, and a community bathroom. Fortunately there were just enough rooms to suit the party; one for Elan and Haley, one for Vaarsuvius, and one for the remainder of the men. The stone fireplace was stacked already with logs, with a healthy supply of firewood resting next to the fireplace. Vaarsuvius wasted no time in igniting the logs with a spell, and before long the party was huddled around the fireplace. Elan and Haley shared a two-seat couch, Roy, Durkon, and Vaarsuvius each sat in different seats surrounding the fireplace, and Belkar sat on the rug in front of the hearth, warming his feet.  
Haley and Elan were, predictably, the first to retire. A few jokes were made at their expense until Roy, and eventually Durkon –after a drink or two-, went to bed as well. As Vaarsuvius was pondering the party’s tendency to leave the two of them alone, Belkar looked over at them. Vaarsuvius blinked at him in response, waiting for him to speak.  
He didn’t.  
After a while of the two silently watching each other’s eyes, Belkar simply patted the floor next to him. Vaarsuvius –after only a short-lived pause- rose from their chair and sat down next to the halfling. Belkar looked up at them, causing Vaarsuvius to look away from the fire to meet his gaze.  
Belkar smiled at them good-naturedly. Vaarsuvius flashed a small, uncertain, smile in return before looking back to the fire.  
“Still cold?” Belkar asked, though not in his usual teasing manner.  
Vaarsuvius glanced back at him for a moment, trying to discern his expression –because it was certainly not concern. “Significantly less so.” They watched the fire for a moment in silence for a while until adding, in an attempt to sound indifferent “and yourself?”  
“Still cold.” They could see him shrug out of the corner of their eye. “Being a sexy shoeless hunk of man has its drawbacks, you know.” He added, wiggling his toes in an attempt to warm them against the fire.  
“I assume you are now the one longing for a warm embrace, despite your earlier teasing.”  
“You offering?”  
“To laugh at your expense? Certainly.”  
“Come on, Ears, nobody else is here. You don’t have to hide it.” His voice became slightly gentler, but not without its teasing.  
They felt an arm wrap around their back and shoulder and pull them in. Vaarsuvius blinked before turning their head towards Belkar. He looked back at them with a mix of hopefulness and uncertainty. Vaarsuvius made no reaction. After a while they turned back to the fire, leaning slightly against Belkar’s side. Belkar seemed to stiffen for a moment, but he too looked back towards the fire, pulling them a little closer and resting his head against Vaarsuvius’s shoulder. After a good minute or so he began to slowly trail his hand down Vaarsuvius’s side. Vaarsuvius did nothing to react until Belkar’s hand slid too low, at which point they firmly brought it back up to rest on their waist. Belkar seemed to take the hint, seeing as he didn’t try it again.  
An hour passed, and Vaarsuvius laid their head to rest on Belkar’s.   
Another hour passed, and they were listening to his breathing.  
Another hour passed, and they fell into a trance.


	10. Lose Your Cool

The door slammed shut, awakening the two nonhumans by the fireplace. Vaarsuvius blinked the weariness from their eyes until they became aware of their surroundings, at which pointy they broke away and rose to their feet, whirling around to face the slammed door. Belkar fell to the side seeing as his support had slipped out from under him.   
Elan stood sheepishly in front of the door, wrapped up in a thick coat and face red with cold. "Sorry, V, I rolled high on my stealth check coming out the door, but not back in, I guess."   
Vaarsuvius pursed their lips in frustration. "There is nothing to apologize for. I must have been more fatigued than previously thought if I had managed to fall into a trance while not in the comfort of a bed but that of the fire."  
Belkar picked himself up off the ground and chuckled quietly to himself. "Well that's because I'm not in your bed to keep you warm, now was I? But we can fix that later. Or now, if you want."  
Vaarsuvius ignored his comment and instead tried to regain their composure as they listened to Elan's response. The blonde boy smiled as he kicked the snow off his boots. "Don't worry, V, I won't tell anyone. What kind of bard would I be if I just spoiled the 'secret relationship' plot for everyone?"  
Vaarsuvius's eyes narrowed. "I assure you, as I have in the past, that nothing of a romantic nature is transpiring between the halfling and I. Perhaps your theatric view of the world turns any interacting persons into hopeless irrational vessels of pure and undignified love and lust, but may I remind you that such emotions do not behave in such illogical conduct in reality."  
"Riiiiiiiigghttt.... There's nothing going on between you two." Elan winked as he crossed the room.   
"No. There is not." Vaarsuvius insisted with a sharp edge in their voice.   
Elan smiled and lowered his voice as he approached the bedrooms. "Yup. Of course. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about your not-relationship." He quietly ducked into his room before either of them could get a sentence in.   
Vaarsuvius sighed in frustration and put a hand to their face. Their ears pricked as they heard Belkar moving. They looked over their shoulder to see him stretching his arms behind his back. They opened their mouth to speak but got no further than taking a breath before Belkar spoke up. "Yeah, yeah, I know, Ears, I'm not gonna tell anyone. If you want to keep it to yourself then keep it to yourself. What do you want for breakfast?"  
\---  
Vaarsuvius sat in the large chair in front of the dead fireplace with a book on their lap, calmly reading its contents while listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen area. They found themself to be quite calm, despite the fact that they had had a rude awakening this morning whilst in a rather... compromising situation. Though they were sure that they could guarantee Elan's silence on the matter, it was still unsettling that Vaarsuvius had put themself in that situation in the first place. They were silently thankful for the gravity-nullifying effects of trancing- had they been truly unconscious and prone to gravity, when the two of them had fallen asleep they would have fallen to the ground instead of propping each other up. And surely it would have been more embarrassing to wake up on Belkar's chest, his hand still around their waist and holding them so close-  
These wandering trains of thought also had to be put to a stop. Vaarsuvius grimaced and tried in vain to refocus on their book. They glanced about the room for a moment to find something else to focus on. Their eyes wandered aimlessly about the area until they stopped at the window. They blinked at it for a moment before standing up -quickly and quietly. Belkar looked over from the kitchen, noticing this. "V?"  
Vaarsuvius did not react. They did nothing for a few seconds. Suddenly they rushed to the front door and dove out it. Belkar raised an eyebrow and followed. Vaarsuvius stared at the scene with wide eyes. Now they knew what Elan was doing outside earlier.   
Making snowmen.   
There was a snowman for each member of the Order; each snowman was of a different height and girth, though all wore the same big smile on their faces. Durkon's snowman was short and stout with a stick positioned next to a rock to act as a hammer. Roy's snowman was depicted with the fighter wearing a familiar crown and holding a long, flat stick. The snowman portraying Elan was wrapped in a hug with another snowman- Haley.   
Vaarsuvius's snowman had a tall and flat shape, almost cylindrical. Belkar's small snowman depicted him with his hood up and was positioned next to the Vaarsuvius snowman.   
And they were holding hands.   
Vaarsuvius took a step back, panic growing as they heard fair sounds from the shack that indicated the awakening of their fellow party members. They looked to the house and back to the snowmen, not seeming to care about the confused halfling standing outside the doorway. As the sounds of the rousing party grew louder, Vaarsuvius's eyes snapped back onto the affection-displaying snowmen and the mage let loose a Fireball from their palms.   
Their cape and robes billowed from the sudden gush, and within seconds fell to rest once more. Vaarsuvius swallowed and looked at the large circle of mud and scorched pebbles in front of them.   
"Hey, guys, what you are doing-" Roy's head popped out the door, and his expression changed as he saw the giant melted area "out... here...?"  
Vaarsuvius shut their eyes for a brief second to compose themself before turning around. "A solar flare. Dreadfully abnormal for this time of year, and frightfully close in proximity to our resting quarters. Thankfully I was aware of our surroundings and was able to prevent what would surely have been a catastrophic fiery oblivion this morning."  
Belkar gave the elf a disbelieving look. Roy blinked in confusion "Um... Okay... Well, uh, we're going to go check for that Bentley guy in a minute. You coming?"  
Belkar turned to face Roy. "Hey, hold up! Have you guys not noticed the spectacular meal I've been slaving over for the past hour or so? No, we're going to eat first."   
Roy held the door open "Well come on in, then, so we can eat and get going." Belkar obliged, leaving Vaarsuvius to sigh silently to themself and follow suit.   
\--  
"Bentley Sprucemill?" Roy called, knocking on the big wooden door.  
"Come in!" Called a voice from inside.   
Roy pushed open the door.   
A halfling dressed in full plate mail armor greeted them. His black hair was tied up in a ponytail and he was smiling warmly at them.   
"Greenhilt, right?" He asked, his voice slightly accented.   
"Yeah. Nice to meet you, sir." Roy reached out and shook the halfling's hand.   
"Pleasures all mine. Nice to see another halfling around.” He gestured towards Belkar “Now, what can I do ya for?"   
"Your friend, Takka, said we could find you here. He said he needed a replacement for his everlasting flame and that you could get it for us."   
"Oh. Well, you see, I have it. But it's not that simple. That item is keeping my house warm, I can't just give it to you."  
"Of course not." Belkar muttered.  
“But if you could get me a certain jewel…” He scratched his hairy chin. “I could use it for my fiancé’s ring. I’ll be moving in soon and then I won’t need the warmth.”  
“Aw, who’s the lucky lady?” Haley asked politely.  
“A dwarf paladin, Lady Gwen. We met back in my adventuring days.”  
“Okay.” Roy returned to the conversation “Where can we find this gem?”  
“Rumor has it you can find some in the abandoned mythril mines down the way.”  
“Got something more… confirmed?”  
“You know how it goes, if there’s rumors about something then it’s there.  
“Fair point.” Roy turned around, waving goodbye. “We’ll see what we can do.”  
And with that, they all left the hut.   
\---  
Later, while they were all regrouping in the hut and gathering their supplies, Belkar decided to cook for them and had managed to corner Vaarsuvius while they were waiting alone.  
"Hey. V."  
Vaarsuvius looked up from their book, raising their eyebrows slightly at the halfling standing in front of them. "Yes?"  
"We gotta talk. You embarrassed by me or something?" He asked, a hint of anger in his voice.   
Vaarsuvius pointed back over their shoulder with a thumb. "I was under the assumption that you were in the midst of preparation for our consumables."  
"It's marinating, don't change the subject."  
"I am unaware of what you mean."  
Please. When the others are around you act like you’re disgusted with my very existence, but when we're alone you cut the shit and want to be with me. You're fine with holding my hand or falling asleep next to me, but once the others come around you want nothing to do with me." Belkar spoke accusingly, eyes narrowing.  
"That is a falsehood. It is not as if my feelings correlate to the presence of our fellow party members."  
"Maybe not your feelings, but how you act." Belkar shot back, surprising Vaarsuvius with how sharp he was being.   
They paused for a moment before speaking, quietly and defeatedly. "It is true that I behave different when the two of us are alone. Regrettably so."  
"Regrettably?"   
"Yes. Our interpersonal relationship has slowly grown to be closer than it should. The comfort between us on an intimate level is unacceptable, and my frequent experiences with falling victim to such contentedness is a telling sign that the change is becoming more significant."  
Belkar blinked once as he paused to process this. Once he figured it out his face contorted back into anger. "What's wrong with it? If it's fine then then why isn't it fine now?"  
"As I have previously and repeatedly informed you, the two of us cannot pursue a romantic relationship."  
"Sizeist." Belkar muttered bitterly, earning him a sharp look from Vaarsuvius.   
"Of all your faults, I find your size to be the least concerning."  
"So, what, you're ashamed of me? Scared we're getting too close?" Belkar raised his voice.   
"Of your personality and our history, that is a practical viewpoint. It is purely logical that as a pair we retain a certain distance. I have explained this to you in the past, as you may recall despite your apparent mental handicap."  
Belkar felt a growl rise in his throat and his face heat up with anger. He leapt up onto the seat, pointing a figure up at the elf. “I don’t know why you gotta play hard to get, asshole!”  
Vaarsuvius fought to keep their composure, though they were getting increasingly angry. "I have just informed you as to my reluctance in such a manner and desire to bring it to an end. Perhaps you have suffered a lapse in auditory perception?"   
"You're being ridiculous! What's wrong with the others knowing you like me?" Belkar spat loudly.   
"I do not!" The elf's voice was rising as well.   
"Yes you do! And you're too scared to admit it because you think you're better than me and that a relationship with me would be degrading."  
"That is preposterous. I am refusing such an engagement because, quite frankly, I am not attracted to sociopathic murderers."  
“Well, I guess I’m a first, then, huh?" His hands were balled up into fists.   
Vaarsuvius stood up from the chair, book in hand. "I will not sit here and listen to your absurd accusations, nor will I yield to your physical advances."  
Belkar practically yelled in frustration. "You know what, screw it! I'm not doing this shit anymore. I don't think I'd want to go out with such an arrogant asshole anyway!"  
"So you agree on our incompatibility?" Vaarsuvius shot back with narrow eyes.   
"Yeah, screw this shit; I'm done." Belkar stormed off to his room, apparently forgetting about the food he had been preparing.   
Vaarsuvius glared after him for a while before sitting back down and cracking open their book. They flipped the page angrily, further frustrated by their inability to concentrate.


End file.
